Cigarettes, Alcohol, Chocolate and Cheese!

Stars - Your Ex-Lover is Dead

2010-01-13T06:29:00.000-08:00

Fleet Foxes - Your Protector

2010-01-12T02:11:00.000-08:00

The XX - Islands

2010-01-11T04:44:00.000-08:00

You know what really grinds my gears? Part 3 (A) Expressions

2009-09-03T04:11:00.000-07:00

When people call someone a mover and shaker - unless if they are referring to Muhammad Ali, this expression makes no sense.

I will continue with more annoying expressions at a later date, any suggestions will be welcomed.

You know what really grinds my gears? Part 2 - The Elderly (GERROWAMEWAY!!!)

2009-08-14T08:51:00.000-07:00

Reasons why old people annoy me:
1. Their slow movement, everywhere - getting on the bus if I'm standing behind one takes 10 minutes to get to my seat, or in a shop, at the counter purchasing whatever it is that old people buy (usually related to angina in some way) they decide to either start chatting with the shop staff or giving out, produce a Dunnes bag full of 1cent coins and then decide that they'll get a telly bingo ticket and a copy of Ireland's Own while they're at it.

2. Repetition: They feckin repeat everything - for example bus numbers.....'Mary, which bus is that'.....'The 122'....'eh'......'the 122'.....'oh, the 122, I think that'll bring me to St. Peters Church....the 122....so it will....122'.

3.Entitlement: If I see another bus full of perfectly healthy old people occupying every seat while a heavily pregnant woman has to stand I'll throw one of them off the bus myself (while pocketing her bus pass for future use).

4.Lotto wins: I mean....what are they going to do with that money.....they'll be dead soon...give it to me instead.

5. They stink of soup.

7 things most people don't know about me.....

2009-07-23T07:49:00.000-07:00

1. I'm a geek - I love the sci fi channel, reading science fiction, watching programmes about sharks. But I have never been to a convention.

2. I like Big Brother..........sorry.

3. A few days before my wedding, I got a vomiting (and diarrohea) bug......I woke up that evening to a fart coming out as well....a poop!

4. Radge is my brother. I've tried to deny it for quite a while now but I have to admit it.....and yes, he is a bollox.

5. Technically, I am a paid prostitute............................................I was prostitute number 18 in the Tudors upcoming season 4.

6.I'm a northside Dub from Limerick - but don't worry, I won't stab you.

7. I had my first art exhibition at the tender age of 8.....unfortunately its all gone downhill since then.

(again, sorry about Big Brother).

You know what really grinds my gears? - Part 1.

2009-06-26T06:26:00.000-07:00

People who take forkfulls of food repeatedly before swallowing - they then end up with 10 forkfuls of food in their mouth.......this is particularly irritating with soup, and fizzy drinks on the bus.

10 things I want to do/happen but either never will or should not do....

2009-05-19T09:44:00.000-07:00

1. Become a professional artist, full time of course.

2. Write a novel or screenplay.

3. Win booker prize/oscar.

4. Kick a pigeon.

Dramatisation: may never happen.

5. Successfully annihilate the following: Ryan Tubridy, Tuna, Gerry Ryan, Brian Cowen, all artists better than me (that'll be fucking easy as shite!), weekdays, mornings, alarm clocks, Ryan Tubridys eviler twin, Radge......I could go on but I think I have the most important ones.

6. Win lotto - spend money on sweets.

7. Run own business, business becomes very successful, eventually rule the world with said business.

8. Move the sunny weather to Ireland. It's very depressing at the moment...think I have the sniffles, or swine flu....

9. Find a cure for swine flu.

10. Can't think of a tenth, I'm not greedy.

Hungover

2009-05-15T06:47:00.000-07:00

Mwaahhhheeuughhteeeeoooooo!!!!!"%^&*(((7%$%!!!!!?????t£^^$$&*&(^^%*%&$£%£%*^(*^(*%$^$*^(&*(&(*&(ow%*%*&^*^&*^*^*%*&%$%£%$£%£%£%£%$£%^£thud.

RIP Late Late

2009-05-13T05:55:00.000-07:00

It was announced the other day that the walking talking tool that is Ryan Tubridy is going to take over hosting the Late Late show. I know many people would have considered Pat Kenny's stint on the Late Late to be the death of it, and I agree to some extent - Pat Kenny was like the Late Late contracted HIV - Ryan Tubridy is full blown AIDS. Not the kind where you get AIDS and take some pills and you're grand for about 10 years, but the kind where it hits you like a brick wall and takes you out within a couple of months while sores grow all over your body and you look like a reject from leprosy camp.

Ryan Tubridy: leaning bollocks.

I mean look at him there, leaning, like a walking bollocks. Awww - don't you just want to kick him in the face. This decision by RTE leads me to further believe that they go out of their way to employ arseholes, just to piss us off. Between him up there, Gerry Ryan, Pat Kenny and all the other fuckers earning more money than I'll ever get in my whole life its like the executives at RTE are playing one big joke on us....maybe they'll eventually use it as a threat:

'Keep paying your TV licence or we will build an army of Ryan Tubridys who will eventually take over the world...' or something to that effect.

I could go on about my hatred towards him and all things RTE but I've decided to stop here. I'll just get angry.

The pain! The pain!

2009-03-10T04:38:00.000-07:00

I had 3 wisdom teeth taken out on Friday. Since then I have been limited to eating a variety of mashed up foods and the hunger has taken over. I'm afraid this is going to be a very poor blog. I am so tired I cannot function, the mixture of the anasth...anaestheti..you know - wearing off, the medications, the lack of sleep and hunger mean that I can barely open my eyes or lift my legs. In work now and wondering why I didn't take advantage of the week long med cert the doctor gave me. To sleep perchance to...................................................................................................

Ironing.

2009-02-25T08:02:00.001-08:00

I have 3 wisdom teeth that need to be removed.

In order to go ahead with the operation, I had a blood test.

I received the results the other day - low iron. I'm now taking supplements.

Because of this.....my poo is black.

(Radge - are you happy now?!?)

Freaks and Geeks

2008-12-09T08:53:00.000-08:00

Freaks and Geeks aired on television between 1999-2000. Only 18 episodes of this series were made before it was cancelled.

Freaks and Geeks, created by Judd Apatow and Paul Feig (Knocked Up, The 40 Year Old Virgin...) was based on the lives of two groups of students at McKinley high school in 1980.

The freaks

Lindsay, Kim, Daniel, Ken and Nick

and the geeks

Sam, Neal and Bill

Below, I have added some of the best quotes from the series:

The freaks:

Ken Miller: I have to get into a bar. Everything fun in life happens in bars.

Millie Kentner: You're high!

Lindsay Weir: How could you tell?

Millie Kentner: I know what high people look like. I went to a Seals and Crofts concert last summer.

Nick Andopolis: Wow, that dinner smells good. Let me guess... meat?

Daniel Desario: You guys know Lindsay?

Nick Andopolis: Yeah, you were in my English class last year. You were the chick that got an A, right?

Lindsay Weir: Yeah, well, what are you gonna do?

Ken Miller: I don't know. What are you gonna do?

Daniel Desario: Am I a loser?

Harris Trinsky: You're not a loser 'cause you have sex, but if you weren't having sex, we could definitely debate the issue.

Daniel Desario: I wrote out some Ramones songs.

Nick Andopolis: The Ramones? They only use like three chords.

Daniel Desario: So? I'll learn another one.

Nick Andopolis: I mean, what's the difference between disco and Zeppelin?

Discotheque DJ: Aren't you one of those guys who's always running in here yelling 'disco sucks?' What's the matter, cat got your bong, man? Is that how you learned to communicate? Running in here and yelling stuff? Is that what your precious "rock and roll" teaches you?

Ken Miller: No, it teaches me that DISCO SUCKS!

Nick Andopolis: Hey, I believe in god, man. I've seen him, I've felt his power! He plays drums for Led Zeppelin and his name is John Bonham, baby!

Kim Kelly: Are you calling me irrational? Because I'll tear your head off, Daniel. I'll tear it off and I'll throw it over that fence.

[Kim Kelly cranks up the car stereo] Daniel Desario: Will you knock it off, Blondie, you're gonna blow the speakers.

Kim Kelly: Oh I'm sorry Grandpa, I'll try not to blow anything of yours from now on.

Kim Kelly: [sobbing] You're, like, my only friend Lindsay! And you're a total loser!

Ken Miller: I always say girl plus car equals dead animal.

Kim Kelly: My aunt Cathy was so rad. She lived in L.A. She was on Kojak. She doinked Ryan O'Neal once at a party.

Lindsay Weir: Wow, she sounds awesome.

Kim Kelly: Yeah, well, she's dead. She OD'd on coke.

Lindsay Weir: [while hitchhiking] We're so sheltered, you know? There's this whole other America out there. The person who picks us up could be an artist or a psychic or an escaped felon. This is so exciting!

Lindsay Weir: [about Tuba Girl] Oh, my God, you really like her, don't you?

Ken Miller: I feel... odd.

Jean Weir: (looking for Lindsays diary) If my parents ever read my diary, I would have been furious. Such a violation.

Harold Weir: Spooning with a stranger in the back of a van, now that's a violation!

Jeff Rosso: How dumb do I look?

Ken Miller: Do you really want to know?

Lindsay Weir: [about Mr. Rosso] Have you ever looked at him? He's kinda good looking.

Kim Kelly: Yeah, if you're attracted to guys that look like Jesus.

Jeff Rosso: I. Have. Herpes. It doesn't hurt that much, but believe me, you don't want it.

Lindsay Weir: Can I please go now?

Jeff Rosso: I just blew your mind, didn't I.

Nick Andopolis: Hey, I heard Kim got an "A" on her Western Civics exam.

[beat] Nick Andopolis: Oh no, that was *my* girlfriend. Hmm, but did you know that Lindsay got detention for flipping off her gym teacher?

[beat] Nick Andopolis: No, wait, that was *your* girlfriend! Hmm.

Daniel Desario: I heard that Kim hit you really hard in the chest. [beat]

Daniel Desario: No wait. That was me.

Daniel Desario: [slams Nick in the chest and walks away]

Nick Andopolis: Wow, that was really hard.

The Geeks....

Neal Schweiber: The dance is tomorrow. She's a cheerleader, you've seen Star Wars 47 times. You do the math.

Sam Weir: It's Cindy. She's kind of boring. It's weird hanging out with her friends. And, I mean, all she wants to do is make out and stuff.

Neal Schweiber: I'd kill to be that bored.

Bill Haverchuck: I heard my mom say to her girlfriend, "Any guy with feathered hair is *foxy*."

Bill Haverchuck: Fredericks, you're a turd... a stinky f-fat turd, go sniff a jock strap, you poop head. You love patting boys' butts... butt... you butt-patter! You're a perv and a loser and a stinky t-turd!

Bill Haverchuck: Remember that time in civics when I had to fart, and it came out, well, a poop? And I had to flush my undies down the toilet? Do you think I wanted to tell you that?

Bill Haverchuck: It's a Parisian night suit, in case you didn't know.

Gordon Crisp: A Parisian! Ooh la la!

Neal Schweiber: It's not a parisian. It's a jumpsuit. My grandfather in Florida wears them all the time because he's too lazy to put on pants!

Neal Schweiber: My mom says women prefer guys with a good sense of humor.

Bill Haverchuck: But, uh, you're not funny.

Neal Schweiber: Screw you, I'm hilarious!

Neal Schweiber: So I wake up this morning, and guess what is sitting on the end of my bed?

Bill Haverchuck: A turd?

Neal Schweiber: Yes, Bill, a turd.

Bill Haverchuck: Ewwwwww! Gross!

Neal Schweiber: An Atari video set. Is my dad the coolest, or what? So shall we say Asteriods, my place, 3:30?

Bill Haverchuck: Yeah, if that's when you wanna get your butt kicked.

Bill Haverchuck: If I were Bionic Woman, what would I wear?

Neal Schweiber: I'm Jewish. That's no cakewalk either. Last year, I was elected school treasurer. I didn't even run!

Bill Haverchuck: Cindy cut the cheese.

Neal Schweiber: Oh my god!

Sam Weir: Shut up.

Bill Haverchuck: I'm serious. She blamed it on the chair.

Sam Weir: Well, what kind of chair was it?

Bill Haverchuck: I don't know. Vinyl?

Sam Weir: Vinyl chairs always squeak!

Bill Haverchuck: It wasn't the sound of vinyl squeaking. It was the sound of cheese being cut.

Bill Haverchuck: You know what would be cool? To find a girl in a bottle, like "I Dream of Jeanie". I'd like to make out with her on that little couch.

Sam Weir: Yeah, Cindy would look good in those puffy pants.

Sam Weir: What's non-alcoholic beer?

Bill Haverchuck: It's just like beer, it just doesn't have that ingredient that makes you drunk. Neal Schweiber: ...Alcohol?

Bill Haverchuck: Yeah.

Neal Schweiber: Friday night, always a good night for some Sabbath. [Lindsay looks at him]

Neal Schweiber: ... 'cause, you know, Friday? is the the Sabbath... for the Jews.

Sam Weir: What am I gonna say to Cindy?

Bill Haverchuck: Don't say anything. Be dominant. It's all, all about dominance. I saw this monkey show on PBS, if you talk to her first, it's a sign of weakness and she will not pick you to be her mate.

Sam Weir: Are you drunk?

Bill Haverchuck: I think so, yes I am.

Sam Weir: Aw, man, go into my room, lock the door, and don't drink any more.

Bill Haverchuck: [after Sam leaves] That's very dominant.

Sam Weir: We're not adults. We're kids until we turn 18.

Neal Schweiber: Maybe you are, but when I hit 13, I became a man.

Bill Haverchuck: That's only in your temple, Neil, not in the real world.

Neal Schweiber: [about his Halloween costume] Hm... looking for Chaplin, only seeing Hitler.

Bill Haverchuck: [about his fake breasts, as the Bionic Woman for Halloween] No, these are not bionic. These are all me.

Alan White: [on Halloween, Bill is in costume] Shut up, you little girl.

Bill Haverchuck: I'm not a little girl, I'm a bionic woman.

Sam Weir: You look a little bit like my grandpa.

Bill Haverchuck: Oh, is your grandpa super cool?

Sam Weir: Hey Harris, what kind of presents do you get Judith?

Harris Trinsky: Judith has very particular tastes. About the only thing she ever wants is scented oils and plenty of time with her man.

Falling Slowly

2008-11-19T04:16:00.001-08:00

Yesterday after work I was travelling home on the bus. Sitting on the upper deck, a fella gets on the bus, drunk off his tree, he attempts to get up the stairs of the bus but falls face first on the top step.

As he tries to readjust himself, he leans back and in the most comical manner falls backwards, in slow motion down the stairs of the bus. Seconds later, he has pulled himself back up and completed his journey to the top of the bus, swaggering from side to side on the way.

When he eventually finds a seat, it was directly behind me (fucking typical). In what I thought was him kicking the seat, I turned around to see that he had fallen asleep and his head was banging against the back of my seat as the bus was driving. The poor girl sitting on the window seat beside him wanted to get off the bus and after numerous attempts to get the dipso to move he finally awoke:
"Sorry, I need to get off the bus please."
"Courshe ye cann!" He shouts at the top of his voice as he stands up to let her off, holding on to the nearest seats, falling backwards:
"Whoopshedaishe!!!!"

He sat back in his seat and fell asleep again.

Christmas in Dublin has arrived.

He was also the spitting image of Glen Hansard.

The Art of Humanity

2008-11-18T05:51:00.000-08:00

As an artist, I sometimes feel like I see things in people that others don't. I could be wrong, maybe everyone sees these things but we all remain silent in the hope that either we are alone in our own personal outlook on life or we fear being judged by others for feeling this way.

I often feel a terrible sadness overcome me when I look at people - friends, loved ones, colleagues and complete strangers. When I look at someone, I often see their humanity - it may be from a shy smile as they are reading a text on the bus, a glimpse of sadness and awkwardness when eating alone mixed with their enjoyment of their cheese and bacon sandwich, a smile turn to sadness from being mocked or dissapointed and it goes on.

The reason why all of this fills me with sadness is once I see it, I hate to think of the fact that there really are so many unbelieveable people in the world, that someday they will feel pain and heartache. Someday they will die.

I am aware of how morbid all of this sounds, I promise not to continue blogging in such a depressing way. This is just something that's part of me and I feel I need to write about it.

It's quite frustrating being someone who looks at the world, at people, in such a way. As I said previously, I am an artist and I have always wanted to be able to transfer my own views of the world on to the canvas - but I get frustrated and instead of painting a beautiful portrait I throw some paint around the canvas and say "It's abstract....you wouldn't understand."

But I'll never stop trying.